MOTHERHOOD DIARIES | Let's go shopping

Now many of you know, motherhood is nowhere close to the Johnson and Johnson baby ads or Nestle ads that seems to show a perfectly dressed mother smiling at her child while they voluntarily and happily eat the item that they are selling. If you are projecting such an image on social media, I'll call your bluff right now.

Unfortunately, motherhood does not come with a manual. The only thing I can offer are experiences which I have had. Right or wrong, right now, it's somehow helped me at least laugh my way through this crazy world of child-rearing.

I have two children. Much like a lot of us, we fall into a false sense of confidence after delivering one and say "Bring on the next! I've got this!". Two....two is another ball game.

A simple day out to the mall. I made big plans to turn it from a standard shopping day out for myself into a mother-children day out, fun for kids, get out of the house, awesome parenting kind of day.

So this is how I saw the schedule (in my head).

1. Wake them up gently

2. Patiently and happily put them through their routine of brushing teeth, breakfast and changing clothes.

3. Leave them for 5 mins for me to get myself dressed and sort my bag out with the essentials (to cater for accidents).

4. We all put on our shoes and walk excitedly to the car

5. We all strap in, start singing "if you're happy and you know it" and get to the shopping center.

6. Excitedly get out, put the second born on the pram and navigate our way through the shops

7. Take a juice break at a nice cafe

8. Everyone's happy, head back into the car and mama drives home quietly as her little cherubs sleep all the way home.

Here's how it actually went......

1. Firstborn gets up. I remind him to start brushing and he goes off.

2. Second-born starts crying. I say "Keep calm", comfort her and talk to her sweetly and encourage her to the bathroom.

3. Firstborn is missing from the bathroom. He's gone to sleep again. "Keep calm" I tell myself and holding the second born, go to the room and wake first born up again.

Ok. Both in the bathroom. Take a breathe.

4. Breakfast ready and firstborn starts playing with it. Second-born still clinging to me and in her pyjamas. She refuses to eat. Slight panic sets in. Planned time out is already closing in fast.

5. The awesome smooth melodic musical voice of this mother turns into a dramatic opera very fast. Kids start moving and the clothes are coming on.

6. Second-born still hasn't eaten. Stuff it. Pack a juice packet in and reconcile that I'll get her something from the shop.

7. I go in to get changed. First and Second-born end up fighting and come running for you to be referee whilst you stand with one pant leg on. You break up the fight and dramatic opera voice turns into a nightclub boom. They both scurry off.

8. Checking that you have clothes on you grab the bag, grab the kids and pull them out before they can think.

Ok. We're out of the house. Take a breathe.

9. Kids want to go to the bathroom. Scrounging for the keys, you rush in just in case your Second-born's semi-toilet trained mind can't hold any longer.

10. We're out again and we head to the car. What is meant to be an easy buckle in turns into a game of "Let's see if mama will let us travel without seatbelts". Not today!.

11. We get in the car. "Mamma I want my toy!". Oh no. I'm not going back into the house.

12. Instead of singing "If you're happy and you know it", you end up with a crying kid all the way to the mall. All the lights suddenly turn red as though the universe really wants you to really enjoy this moment.

13. We reach the mall and they both jump out of the car dutifully. I look at them skeptically. Could this day actually turn around? We're already 2 hours later than planned.

14. We head into the first shop. "Mamma, I need to go to the toilet".

Long story short. 3 shops, 5 toilet trips, juice on clothes and 20 attempts at annoying me for chocolate, I called it quits.

There's one thing that worked according to plan. They slept all the way home. Thank God!

P.S My ideal shopping plan got amended. Father babysits while mother goes shopping.