MOTHERHOOD DIARIES | Mama...Where am I from?

One afternoon, having just slumped in through the door, back home after work, I found my firstborn standing curiously at the door looking as though he wanted to ask me something. He seemed a little hesitant. So I waited for his little brain to sort it out while I went to change….

"Mamma….where am I from?"

I froze. My head went into different directions on this one. (He's only 7! Where do I start? Do I show a video? Oh but I haven't sifted the videos yet! Breath! Wooosaaaa)

So I figured that I'll ask him one more question before hyperventilating again. "Why? Did someone say something?"

"Ummmm….yeah. Well I told my friends I was from Australia but my friends keep telling me that I'm racist and that I should say I'm Indian cause I'm brown!"

Amazing the amount of emotions that sway a mother from one end to another. Here I got relieved that we weren't talking about the birds and the bees I could keep my boy's innocence for a little longer. Then started anger at his friends classifying him based on his skin colour so I was readying myself (picture the chapati roller in hand) to go kick some butt.

(keep in mind I was exhausted after work).

I told him that mama will just go settle in and we'll talk later in the evening. This at least bought me time to think more on this. Thankfully my rational sense did manage to kick in after my hands cupped a nice cup of chai.

"Is your identity based on passport?"

I can't blame his 3rd Grade friends really. They are reflecting the simple understanding that they have in this region that is a melting pot of hard core cultures. I call it hard core because unless you are a true Arab national, you have no permanent place here. So most people keep to identifying themselves to the place they have originally come from and diligently practicing their culture and thought processes. Hard core Indians. Hard core British. Hard core Thai.

So what do you tell your son?……who was born in Australia…..looks Indian and eats multi-cuisine food (chinese fried rice with butter chicken) with plenty of influence of his extended family that are from India…..and has only known most of his conscious years to be in Dubai with a lot of Arabic friends?

Is your identity based on passport? Because that's how you're identified here in Dubai.

Is it based on how you 'feel'? But what does 'feel' mean? Is it based on what culture you practice? The way you treat or do certain gestures and mannerisms (like wearing shoes into another person's home)

Or based on where you've lived most of your life?

I thought as a very young Indian girl growing up in Australia I had been messed up and confused. I felt that my firstborn was going to be even more messed up trying to reconcile his world.

So eventually in the evening we did have the talk. The conversation never gave him a definitive answer of where he's from. We focussed on awareness so we can help him define himself without giving him a box to fit in.

"Are you reflecting a behaviour of love?"

1. Identify the different influences/cultures you have in your life

2. Be proud of being exposed to all of it because it makes you a superman and have a lot more bigger thinking than being stuck in one village. I'm a huge advocate of being proud of being 'different' (as long as you're not offensive).

3. No culture is better than the other. There's no point in trying to 'act' western just because you think western society is better yet everything you say and do gives away that you are hard core eastern.

4. Know the 'differences' that some cultures have when they do certain behaviours that either offend or bring joy to others. E.g for the eastern culture it is extremely rude to walk into their house with shoes on. In the western, most of them wouldn't bat an eye about shoes on couches.

5. Are you reflecting a behaviour of love, both for yourself and others?

We kept to those points that evening. What more could you tell a 7 year old?

So I asked him a few days later, "Did you have a discussion with your friends about where you're from again?"

"Yup", was his elaborate reply.

"And…what was it?

"I'm an international boy!" with his chest drawn out proud.

Ok let's go with that for now.