MOTHERHOOD DIARIES | Wonder Woman

Picture this….

You put on your awesome dress, a touch of lipstick, breeze out the door bidding your loved ones goodbye and head to your 7am meeting. This 7am meeting is an important one as there are several senior managers and this is your chance to impress them and get their agreement on a certain strategy.

Your palms are sweating but you are in control. You really are in control. I've got this! The managers walk in and you wait for the final attendee. 1 minute left…..the phone starts ringing. In big bold letters it flashes "Home" again and again.  Having made my decision earlier that I will always be available to my children, I chose to answer.

"Mamma! The TV is not working and I can't find my dolly! I am sad…." said the 3 year old and the waterworks started……

So going into mamma mode, I calm the second born down with love, kisses, re-assurance and with her settled I put down the phone. Looking up, I see the boardroom staring at me with smirks. Corporate woman had shown her soft side. Thankfully the participants nodded their head in understanding but my brain suddenly had to come back to the present asking "What was I presenting again?". The day continued.

This was just 5 mins. In that 5 mins I was:

1. Soft mamma to Unemotional Presenter

2. Multi-tasker

3. Problem solver to Strategic Influencer

4. Absolutely confused…..

This is the life of a completely confused Corporate Mamma.

To the ones that present that all is well with the world when they do both is absolute hogwash. Motherhood is a full time job. Working woman is a full time job and there are not many jobs left where you get to clock in, do brainless work and clock out on time. Technology is not helping either. With the emails on phones, mobile laptops means that you are still connected to your job and accessible. Hence my point of full time job.

In this piece I am not arguing over which one you pick or what you should choose to do, but I want to bring awareness that a woman can do ALL, but not ALL AT ONCE. It's the time aspect. Funnily enough 24 hours is not enough to cater for everything.

Ever since I had started working, I always looked for female role-models to observe and see how they had managed so called 'corporate success' in their life.

1. In my first job, I asked the only female director of the consulting firm. Her name ended with 'Steele' and steel she was. When I asked how she managed family, the kirt response was "My husband manages them" as if the question was just a fly to be swatted.

2. My second job, I looked for a female senior manager again and couldn't find one. 1 year later, I saw 'Steele' had joined the company I was working for. Was she following me? :-)

Again and again I searched and the answer came back to me time and time again. You HAVE to outsource something, either mothering activities or your work. Now how many companies are going to respond well to paying you while you go outsource what you're meant to be doing. :-)

I was recently shown a video of our famous Indra Nooyi. Amongst her opinions on the Strategic decisions with Pepsico, she was broached with the topic of how she managed to be a mother while going up the corporate ladder. The answer that she gave, a long winded one, was that she outsourced. Outsourced the activities of being a present mother. All this ended with smiles as though the world was settled on her part.

At the end of it, I have stopped looking for that Wonder Woman named Corporate Mamma. She doesn't exist. Everyone is trying to figure out that balance and guess what…..IT IS HARD. So at some point we have to balance the time that we give for being a present Mamma to being present in your Office is based on where your family is at. When they need more time, you give more time (as your financial situation allows).

There's no point in blaming the corporate system because we are own worst enemies. For example:

1. There's a thing called mother's guilt. Guilt of having left your kids in the care of someone else, of not being present. There's a reason it's called 'Mother's guilt', because men don't seem to feel it. It's not built into them.

2. Unfortunately only we can carry, deliver and feed kids. Even if expressing comes to play, men won't ever understand the pain and feeling of being a milk producing cow (aka pashoo).

3. Disturbed sleep means a completely un-focussed mamma the next day. Hormones, caring for sick kids, kid nightmares all lead to a state of constant daze that you just have to accept as part of life until a certain age with kids.

Unless you have a VERY understanding boss, I don't think a half-sleepy, confused and emotional, irritable, baby-talking, sometimes late person is considered as a productive employee. Note that I didn't even mention 'female' against this person.

So how am I coping? I have prioritised some things at this point in life.

1. I have young kids and I choose to be their 'active' mother. This is my priority.

2. I want to continue to work to be a financial contributor to my family (decision changes by the end of the day). This is my second priority.

3. I will seek and accept help with bringing up our children. With this comes the part where I let go that sometimes they may do things in a different way than you do, as long as they are not hurt emotionally or physically. (This includes the father).

4. When the day is too hard, it's ok to cry, have a tantrum, calm down, pray and get up again. (Helps if you are able to do this privately and your neighbours aren't involved). Get it out of your system.

5. Know that I am loved regardless and give myself a break. Because at the end of the day, my time will be invested in those that will hopefully look after me when I am down.

Signing off for today from this Corporate Mamma.