SYDNEY RELOADED | Are you new?

Dear Reader,

It's been a while since I have posted and for some I have shared personal snapshots of my life.

I started writing as a form of being able to have a chance to share my thoughts. These writings, although with the intention to entertain, with experiences of life, actually turned into more cathartic moment for myself on various things. What I couldn't express properly or be able to express through my voice at particular moments, writing helped me take the time to thoughtfully reflect and find the right words to find the deeper amusement, trigger or emotion behind it all.

So, here I am again...

A lot has happened in the last few years, with the biggest change in my life occurring again on returning to Sydney. The word 'return' is always a funny one, because as much as you say to yourself "I know the world has moved on", you really don't understand until you face it. Time moved on....12 years in fact. People grew up, some changed, minor few didn't. The country moved on and changed, some for better and some so much that I almost questioned as to whether I actually came back to Australia. 

What was my small Church moved on, with a community completely changed and new faces everywhere, to the point where people have asked me "Hello, are you new?". I couldn't blame them, it's been 12 years. How would they know that I was there when this church formed? That I was that family that came to literally open the doors of the church, played the piano for years since before I was a teenager and that family that left when the doors were finally closing after everyone had left. Time moved on, people moved on and memories changed. So to the present, yes I am new.

A lot has happened, I have gone through exhilarating joy in watching groups of children sing, to facing excruciating pain of sudden loss. Only those that know, will know that feeling. No matter how you describe it, a bomb blast with your ears ringing, a car crash, a smash to your chest that you can't breathe....doesn't even describe half of it. All these experiences have reshaped me. From leaving as a naive new mother and wife to slightly more knowledgeable and confident of the world. Probably why I have been promoted to the word "Hi Aunty" (aunty is a word used in the Indian community to respect an elder, we never call directly by name).

Then there's the transitioning, growing up as an Indian Australian in a country that had just started immigration was hard. Hanging out with people that were of a different skin colour to you, different accent, different value system was always interesting. Then to go to Dubai and be forced to 'act your ethnicity' was an interesting move back in time in my mind. As much as I enjoyed getting cheap dosa and chutney (South Indian cuisine), I still never fit in with 'my ethnicity'. Returning to Sydney, I thought, finally I'm coming back to a balanced medium that I was familiar with. Boy was I wrong. It seems like time moving on meant, increased influx of immigrants, desperation of covid all culminated and changed Sydney into regions of ethnic concentrations camps across Suburbs. All desperate to hold onto what they are familiar with 'back home'. Interesting trying to find a balance here, because communities tell you to "pick a side". If I am feeling like this, I can only imagine what my children are going through. Neither their passport, ethnicity nor place of residence can have a higher bearing on their thoughts and actions....and I thought I was messed up.

Life is not bad. I am thankful. There's a lot to look back and be thankful for. People I've met, places I've seen, experiences I've had and I continue to find amusement in watching myself and others try to navigate the scenarios of this world. It's all moot when you come to think of it at the end. As our priest keeps reminding us "and to dust we all return", so believe in a higher purpose.

So here I am. Back in Sydney, searching for that higher purpose. Technically I am new (with memories of old). Thankful for each day I wake, to be able to write and find amusement now back in this land again. Thank you for coming on this journey with me so far.

Love,

L-